Rancho La Puerta - our day at the famous vegetarian spa retreat

September, 1999

We found ourselves with a few days to kill in Mexico, and we decided to treat ourselves by spending a day at the famous all natural health spa Rancho La Puerta. While they usually insist on a minimum one week stay, we somehow talked our way in for just a Saturday night.

We arrived after driving through the town of Tecate, and it was like entering an alternative universe. In contrast to the surrounding town, Rancho La Puerta was a feast for the eyes. It really is beautifully landscaped and maintained with flowers blooming everywhere.

After checking in, we were led to our guest house by one of the pools. It was nice and felt appropriately Mexican and not too fancy. In fact we would have enjoyed the room very much except for one thing - it stunk. Really, it smelled. While we did not notice the smell during the day, we could not miss it at night. My wife was convinced it was a back up in the septic tank. Only when we checked out did we find out that this was coming from the Tecate River. The management told us that this happened often in the warmer months and that it was due to the increased population in the area and the subsequent pollution in the river. They said that if we had told them of the smell, they could have brought us some potpourri to take the edge off the smell. With a smell that foul, they would have needed a truck load of potpourri to even make a dent. To be frank we were offended at paying such a high price for these incredibly stinky accommodations. But management offered us no reduction in price or other compensation. So be warned - before going to the Ranch make sure it is not the smelly time of the year or ask for accommodations as far away from the River as possible.

During the day, we tried to sample as much of the Ranch's offerings as possible. My wife enjoyed the early morning hike and stretching, but was disappointed to learn that without proper hiking boots she could not join the longer daytime mountain hikes.

The Ranch also offers an extensive array of the latest in traditional and new age workouts. We enjoyed the Yoga class - the teacher was very nice and helpful for those of us with a stretching disability. Unfortunately we weren't able to fit in the Pilates or Feldenkreis classes, but I was happy to see that they offered these alternatives as well as water exercise classes. Of course they have a full weight room set up with all the latest equipment as well as very nice aerobic studios. They also offered African dance while we were there as well as different meditation alternatives. Certainly you could spend the week there and never get bored.

We, however, were less interested in the workouts than in sampling the vegetarian food at the dining room. After foraging for ourselves in Mexico for a few weeks, we were very excited and eager to try everything. Unfortunately we were very disappointed. To paraphrase an expression, the food was not very tasty and, worse, the portions were so small. We felt like we had elephantine appetites since the small portions we were able to fit in our small bowls and plates barely made a dent in our hunger. With a bit of embarrassment we went back for seconds and even then were a bit hungry. How did it taste? Well, it was acceptable, but it was not vegetarian gourmet by any stretch of the imagination. Perhaps this was one of the secret ways that the Ranch used to help with weight loss - very unappealing food. Regardless, we were quite happy to get back to Mexican beans and guacamole that had a lot more flavor and richness than the meager offerings at the Ranch.

We also tried out the massage at the Ranch and again were disappointed. The massage was very mundane - a simple swedish type of massage that did little to relax out tight and tired muscles. The Spa facility was ok - they were separate sex and had a whirlpool and sauna room. If we had stayed the week I would have gone back for the whirlpool and skipped the massage.

In all, the best part of Rancho La Puerta is the beautiful grounds. You will also find a vast array of activities and workouts to keep you busy for your stay. If you are looking for wonderful vegetarian food you may be disappointed. And remember, if you are visiting during the more fragrant parts of the year (the warmer months we were told are much smellier), beware. The smell from the Tecate River can be very strong so at least ask for a room as far away from the River as possible.